after 18 months of i-want-that-no-you-can't-have-it-but-you-cheated-on-me-ok-fine-it's-yours between my parents, they are now officially divorced. my mom informed me of it yesterday afternoon, followed by the comment that she and her boyfriend were going to go out and celebrate/get drunk last night. yippee.
you would think that by the time you reach the ripe old age of 28, haven't lived under your parents' roof for the better part of a decade, and only come home once a year, that it wouldn't bother you if your parents split. but it does. i'm very conflicted about the whole thing - simultaneously angry, relieved, and let down.
angry: my parents had been married for 33 years when they called it quits. maybe "called it quits" isn't the right phrase. my dad cheated on my mom on national tv. no, not jerry springer style - he was shown with his girlfriend on tv during the world series in 2005 and naturally my mom heard about it. i definitely have a different opinion of my dad now instead of the hero i always thought him to be while growing up. i didn't talk to him for 6 months after that, and even now i keep the conversation at a superficial level. deep down i know i haven't forgiven him yet, but i'm trying.
relieved: i've thought my parents should get divorced since i was in middle school, so a part of me is very happy to see it finally happen. i know in the long run they will both be happier people apart than they were together. to be honest, if i didn't have this feeling, i'd be much worse off emotionally than i currently am about the whole thing.
let down: so yeah, it was middle school when i first realized they should split. of course, it wasn't until much later that i understood why. put this on the list of things you never wanted to know about your parents: at the time they split, they hadn't even kissed, let alone had sex, in over 14 years. i don't know which is worse to think about, your parents having sex or your parents never having sex. how do two people live like that?? did they even try to do something about the problem? was there anything that could even be done? is this something that happens to a lot of marriages?
there are some positives that have happened lately to help reduce how jaded i have become about relationships. my sister recently got engaged to a wonderful guy who truly loves her and her daughter. it's been good for me to be around a solid relationship and watch them work thru real problems. i also seem to have outgrown the pattern of first-dates and hook-ups that helped me get over calling off my engagement. i'm not particularly proud of what i've done, but it served its purpose and i'm ready to move on. believe it or not, i think it's helped me learn more about myself than i would have otherwise (then again, difficulty tends to do that). i'm glad it's over, primarily because it means i'm ready for a real relationship.
wow, this turned into quite a rant. i congratulate anyone who actually made it this far! ok, time to get back to the real world - as you were, soldier...
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